Uncharted Waters

"You are the Christ. You are the Son of the living God."- Matthew 16:16. I love that verse. It's so reassuring, comforting, rejuvenating, and resurrecting. I found that verse on a bracelet shortly after I was diagnosed. It brought me peace. You know... that's been the scariest part about fighting cancer is that I don't know what's going to happen. I know God has a purpose for my life, as he does for all of us, but I've wondered to myself many times "What if this is my purpose? What if I don't make it out of this battle? What if...?" None of us are guaranteed our next breath, but that verse reminds me of something very important in my relationship with Christ- there are some things in life I am not meant to understand, I just have to trust God and live with not understanding the best I can. I'll never forget the day I was diagnosed, nor will I forget the night when I was finally alone in my room and I couldn't fight the tears from coming any longer. I bowed my head and started crying to God "God, I just don't understand." over and over again. That night there were a million "what if's" going through my mind about how this was going to effect my loved ones, how is school going to work out this year, how am I going to be able to handle all this, how am I going to take it when my hair starts falling out, how sick will the chemo make me, when will I have surgery, how far has the cancer spread, what will happen next? I bought that bracelet, and I don't wear it every day but I keep that verse in my heart because in this life, there are times where we want answers, we want to be able to understand things in our own logical ways, but sometimes we aren't meant to have that. That's a hard thing to accept when you have to face a tough situation, but it's the truth. I don't see how people make it through this life without God- I really don't. His salvation is more to me that just being rescued from hell. It's also a salvation from this life as well, and anything that happens to you during this life. Personally, he has been the only person in my life who I could truly hold onto. In this life, he is all you can really hold onto and know that he's not going anywhere. At any moment, you could lose your health, lose your spouse, your children, your friends, your family members, your home, your possessions, your home, your financial stability, or your life. None of these things are guaranteed to be there tomorrow, but you'll always have God to hold onto not only in this life, but in the next. I'm not saying these words because I'm person you would label as a "Christian." I'm saying these words because I've lived them, I'm still living them, and by the grace of God I'll be living them forever! God is real. He's just as real as the breath you just took. Question is...how real is God to you? I don't know who's going to read this, but who ever you are, you're on my heart tonight, as you always are. If you need to renew your commitment to God, I beg of you to do it. If you have never had a relationship with God, I ask you to give God a chance- ask him to be a part of your life. It's the most beautiful question you will ever ask, and trust me, he will not disappoint you!