God is awesome!!! Have you noticed lately?

I writing now mostly out of guilt and conviction, but it's something that's on my heart. My Bible study group has recently started a new study called "Forgotten God" by Francis Chan, and got into several discussions before we even opened the book last week. Tonight, I can't help but wonder "WHY?" Why do we keep forgetting God? Why do we not take our relationships with him more seriously than what we do? Is it because we're so used to the experiences we have in our relationships with other humans? Is it because we're accustomed to the types of we immediate communications with the ones we interact with,like when we hear their voices, see their faces, look into their eyes? Why are we so thoughtless? We have a God who loves us with a most amazing love, who died for us on a cross, suffered for hours in pain, yet still chooses to lets us take our next breath...and we still take him for granted. I'm still puzzled at why we do the things we do. Why do I do all the things I do? God has brought me through so much in my life. I owe him my life on so many levels, and I still don't treat him like I should. Friday I shared a glimpse of my breast cancer battle with a group of people, most of them I didn't know, but if it wasn't for him, I wouldn't have been up there at all. Here's another story for you, that took place 6 years ago.... It was Wednesday, October 18, 2003. I was in my first semester on college at GMC, and I was driving my dad's newly purchased Chevrolet Monte Carlo. He was letting me drive on the way to drop me off for school that day, and as I was walking to the car I had a feeling come to my thoughts that I shouldn't drive. I kept hearing the voice saying "Don't drive! Don't drive!", but like an idiot I told myself that I'm only thinking that because I'm nervous. I got behind the wheel, turned onto N. Jefferson, and was on my way to class. Half-way through the drive, I started feeling like something was wrong, but I didn't know what was happening. I couldn't move my arms to steer, couldn't move my legs, and I'm behind the wheel of a car in early morning traffic. My arms start shaking uncontrollably, and my dad turned to me and asked me "April, what's happening?" I was able to tell him "I don't know," and then I passed out. That's all I remembered until I woke up in the hospital emergency room. My dad was able to pull the car over, and a man who noticed my dad was having some trouble pulled behind him to see what was the matter. The stranger helped my dad move me over to the passenger side of the car. I have no idea what was going through my dad's mind, but I know he was shaken up. He thought I had died. At the emergency room the nurses had already asked my dad tons of questions about what happened, because neither one of us really knew. The nurse told me I had had a seizure. My thought at that moment was "A what?!? Why did I have that?!?" I had two seizures before that, but didn't know what they were. Two weeks later I was diagnosed with juvenile myclonic epilepsy. Ever since then I can't help but think to myself about all the ways God saved my life. If it wasn't for God, I wouldn't love music like I do. If it wasn't for God, I wouldn't have gone to GMC. If it wasn't for God, I wouldn't have wanted to play the flute since I was a kid. If it wasn't for God, I would have never learned how to play the flute, or have the ability. If it wasn't for God, I wouldn't have joined the band. If it wasn't for band, I would have tried to get my licence before I was 18 years old, but I didn't have a life outside of band in high school. If I had had my licence, I would have been driving myself to school alone, would have passed out behind the wheel without my dad there to keep me from running into something or someone else, and could have been killed in a car wreck, or killed someone else. You don't walk away from something like that wondering if there's a God or not. God has done so much for me, been there for me through some very dark times. I'll be honest, there have been times where I've been in so much pain and agony physically and spiritually, I've wanted to die. I've thought about death more times than I'd like to admit. Some days it does seem like dying would be easier than going through hardship it's taking for me to keep living, but God keeps giving me grace and even sanity to keep going. When I tell people I'm getting though this one day at a time by the grace of God, I mean it! I honestly don't see how people get through this life without God. It's crazy how you can go through so much suffering in such a short life span, and still take God for granted. I don't know about you, but I'm going to change that. No more of this luke-warm, staying in my comfort zone, making plans to achieve what I want to happen in my future, wishing for things to happen that aren't meant for me to have. When it comes to God, there are no gray areas anywhere, and he deserves more from me than what I give.

In Tune With Pink

WOW!!! Where do I begin to descibe how I felt tonight?!? It was awesome beyond words. For those of you who don't know what I'm talking about, tonight's event "In Tune with Pink" was an event held at GC&SU to honor breast cancer survivors, fighters, and those who lost the battle to not only breast cancer, but to any type of cancer. It was also held to raise money for the Susan G. Komen Foundation. It was an evening filled with wonderful music, amazing food, and wonderful people. I was asked to speak at this even tonight as a guest, which was such an honor to be given this opportunity, but I was completely suprised by the amount of support and love. Needless to say, I almost cried 3 times while I was reading my story, but I'm quite a sap anyways. It's hard not to cry when I think about all of the things cancer has brought me through, both good and bad. The most emotional part of the night was the candle lighting ceremony during the intermission. The first candle was lit in honor of me (That was another suprise), followed by the pink candles which represent the breast cancer survivors present at the event, the purple candles represented those who have fought other types of cancer, and the white candles were lit to honor loved ones who have passed away from cancer. I lit a white candle in honor of several loved ones tonight. It's been almost 5 months since my grandmother lost her fight to lymphoma. It was a terrible way to lose someone we all loved so much, but in her case, death was not a mortal enemy- it was her friend. I had never seen anyone suffer from cancer like she did because when my other relatives passed away, I was too young to experience it. I will have to share her story with you on another night. Every time I have a rough day, I think about how brave she was. The last time my grandma and I spoke, she was in the hospital going through chemo trying to fight a losing battle, but she had the most amazing spirits despite the fact that she was crying because she felt so sick from the chemo. I remember my grandpa wiping the tears off her face, taking her by the hand and telling her "I know it's rough, but if I can go through it, I know you can too." Sadly, my grandfather passed away 38 days after my grandmother did, but I know if they were still here today, they would have told me the same thing. I can't help but think of all God has brought me and my family through this year alone, and all he's going to do in the future. The day I was diagnosed, my granny drove me to the doctor's office to get the results of my biopsy and I told her "I don't know what the doctor is going to have in store for us today, but I know this battle is God's. It was his before any of this ever took place." And that's the case with all things in life. All of our good times and bad times happen for a reason. Tonight was a special night I'll always remember for the rest of my life!

Hello All!

Ok... I admit it- I finally gave into the idea of blogging. Normally it's not my thing because it requires a person to sit still and type his/her thoughts for anybody and everybody to read, and the readers like for the author to continue to supply them with more thoughts on various matters, something which I don't really do. Yeah, I had my journals in high school, but I can't say I was always diligent about writing in them, and when I did, I poured my heart out in them, but I'll do a better job at this than what I did with my journals. My Aunt and several of my friends have wanted me to begin blogging because of the recent journey life has taken me on, and God has allowed to happen, and that's to write about my experiences as a young woman fighting breast cancer. It's been life changing, but that's not all I'll write about. I'm an old soul and sometimes I have the priviledge of learning about life from life itself. I've always pondered about life, and the things I've learned from my experiences growing up in a tough home situation for the majority of my life, coping with my health, and dealing with any and all other situations in between. I'm not here to tell a sob story, but I know I wouldn't be the woman I am today if it wasn't for the suffering I've been through, and for the challenges I'm currently facing. I hope that you, my readers, will recieve encouragement from what you read and that you too will be inspired to live life to the fullest, no matter what happens, no matter where you find yourself. God bless and keep you always. May his blessings flow upon you every day,and may you always find yourself in his presence wherever you go!